Adolescents continue to develop their capacity for abstract thinking.They are highly aware that they are preparing to enter the adult world and therefore questions of values become paramount.They can be manipulated into taking sides and vilifying one or the other parent.In many of these cases, the long-term effects on these children are not considered and the couple may be surprised years down the road at the amount of rage that the child has about what happened and how they were drawn in, and treated as another adult rather than the vulnerable child that they actually were.Identity and moral development are impacted negatively.Frequently, up until this happened, there was an unconscious assumption that one behaves with integrity as a matter of course.
Older children may also regress, but they also have more access to language for what they are thinking and feeling.
An anxiety with no name sets in, this anxiety can follow children throughout their entire life time and leave them with not being able to feel safe in their most intimate relationships.
After Disclosure Catherine Ford Sori has delineated children’s reactions to affairs according to age.
There are reactions that occur while the affair is going on, but before it is disclosed, and reactions once an affair has been disclosed.
Before Disclosure If you think back to when you were a child it is easy to remember how much more you knew about what was going on in your family than the adults around you thought you knew.However, this is a grandiose assumption that more and more requires you to lie to, manipulate and avoid intimate contact with your family, sometimes with irrevocable results.